Friday, August 25, 2006

Going Buggy


Insects have always creeped me out. Yet fascinated me at
the same time. I have major arachnophobia (although those
are spiders...not technically bugs). I used to think it was just
me, but I learned this summer that others in my family have
the same phobia. Insects however, are just plain creepy.
You have to wonder what's going on inside their minds.
Are they plotting to take over? They outnumber mammals
on this planet many times over and many claim that they
will inherit the planet after we are gone. I've subscribed to
this theory for a while now. Especially since someone once
told me that they left a live bug in a radiation chamber over
a fairly long period of time and it was still alive when they
checked on it several days later. It didn't open the door for
them dressed in a three piece suit and greet them with a cup
of coffee, but it was alive and far from unhealthy after
receiving the equivalent of thousands of human dental
x-rays. What really convinced me about the coming of
insect-planet however was something that happened this
week. A bee had landed on the driver-side window and
just sat there. Once I discovered it was outside instead of
inside (and I hadn't soiled myself in the process) I looked
at the bee and tried to figure out what it was going to do.
I rolled the window down slowly...it didn't move. I tapped on
the glass...it didn't move. Ok...I'll start driving...this will
scare it off. I was on a on-ramp of the expressway so I was
able to pick up speed slowly. 20 mph...40 mph...60 mph.
It was still hanging on. Finally...at 74 mph it came loose.
74 mph is very fast for a bug. I know it's not scientific, but
here's what I calculated:

* The bee weighed 1 ounce
* It let go at 74 miles per hour
* An average human weighs around 150 pounds...give or take
* On the same scale, a human would have to let go at 177,600 mph

177,600 MILES PER HOUR

Uh...I don't think so

This is why insects will rule the earth.

So, in a few weeks I won't see another insect for almost 12
months. We get so used to seeing bugs in the real world
that if you see a dust bunny out of the corner of your eye
on the Ice...your mind thinks it's a bug...but it's not.
Probably a good thing too, because I wouldn't want to
meet the bug that can survive 100 degrees below zero
temperatures.

I'd be bringing HIM a cup of coffee...and probably a pipe
and slippers too.

1 comment:

Benjamin said...

Speaking of bugs...I already have the Antarctic bug (crud). I got it before the last flight of winfly even got here. It sucks, but at least I won't get it when I am traveling...or maybe I will.